Tuesday, March 20, 2007

In the golden tones of Gomer Pyle.....

SHAZAM!

New Line Cinema has finished milking the Lord of the Rings cash-cow dry....that is, until the next super-deluxe -extended -director's -cut -special-with-plush-toy-and-exclusive - refrigerator-magnet-18 DVD boxed set-limited edition is released. They've pissed off and alienated Peter Jackson to the extent that LOTR dweebs the world over are crying in their hot pockets, mortified that someone else might direct The Hobbit. Like Ewe Boll.

So. What do they announce? What is the next Uber-Mega-Blockbuster Popcorn Franchise We All Are Salivating To See??!!

That guy. Yup. The one with the (dare I say it?) FAGGY cape and lighting bolt pointing at his crotch. Captain Marvel. He of the utterance "shazam!" At a budget of TWO HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS, no less. The only possible redemption would be the inclusion of his Power Hour buddy, that hottie, ISIS (who can also fly, but has nicer legs, and can talk to cats).

Aren't there other comic book heroes out there more deserving of such a lavish financial treatment? Hell, why not The Wonder Twins? I can see it now....."Wonder Twin powers activate! Shape of.....a sandbox! Form of......a house cat!" I'd much rather see that.

Or She-Hulk. What red-blooded American male (along with a healthy number of WNBA spectators, I imagine) wouldn't want to see a movie about a superhero who grows enormously huge green tits when she gets angry?

200 million dollars. That would buy a pair of red leotards, sparkly gold boots, and a FAGGY WHITE CAPE for every homeless person in America.

Now......THAT would be something to see.

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